I’m Kelly Wang, 15 years old, and was diagnosed with autism in 2021. For this reason, I am not very willing to talk or express my feelings. I often feel different from other people, but I don’t want to admit that I am autistic. I’m in fact very conflicted inside: I don’t want to define myself as a patient, but the fact that I can’t communicate like most other people holds it back. Understanding the hidden meaning and subtle tones of others is probably difficult for me.
I’m sensitive to my surroundings, especially about how the outside world thinks of me. I enjoy being alone and can stay in my room for days. I like to be alone and focus on things that I’m interested in. For instance, I like painting very much; it’s an important way for me to express my emotions, relax, and immerse myself in my own world. I'm eager to stay in my comfort zone forever; it’s exhausting to spend time around people, so that’s why I barely have friends. Most people treat me as everyone else at first, but some of them think I’m withdrawn, dull, boring, and untalkative, so I gradually gave up to accommodate, thinking there was no need to blend in.
I’ve been to an autism care center, where volunteers of my same age or older came and cared for us. They asked some questions and we would draw together; I felt a little repelled at first, but in the end I found myself feeling warmed when being given patience. But the volunteers didn’t have much time to come and stay, so they weren’t able to provide that much help. I hope others can give me more love and care so that I can constantly feel understood and protected. Others might think that I don’t like socializing, while all I need is a different way to do it.
- Kelly Wang
Shanghai, China
Interviewer: Melody Shen
Editor: Rosabel Fang
Translator: Xin Fang
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